In my last therapy session of 2024, I spoke with a patient who wanted to focus on her inability to sleep. She explained that she's long struggled to get more than three hours of sleep at a time, but lately she's been laying in bed for hours with her mind racing. For patients desiring to address sleep issues, the best clinical practice is a CBT-I approach, that's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia. So that's where I started. But to know me clinically is to know that, when allowed, we're going to explore how faith and spirituality mixes into your human experience. So we went through the 45 minute session, she was tasked with strategies and homework and I proceeded on to finish my Holiday errands.
Little did I know that 10-days later, I would be applying those exact same strategies for my own experience of insomnia. Now I am certain that what I'm experiencing is acute insomnia and not something that will be long lasting. But Boy, let me tell you. I've gotten ten (10) hours of sleep in the last 3 nights. And I know exactly why!... There is a small quiet voice deep in the back of my mind whispering "what if you have a stroke in your sleep?" In my rational fully awake state, I know to ignore it. To keep going and press forward; God's Will will be done, and hey, I'm HIS favorite!
Nonetheless, that voice has planted the seed & I've been up sitting vigil to my own ___ what? I'm not sure; but there was no way my body was finding sleep. I tried everything possible to bore myself to sleep, waiting for my eye lids to get heavy or my body to get weary. Nothing. Finally at some point I drifted off, because when I woke at 7:37 this morning it hit me.
"I am afraid to fall asleep."
I tried to explain to my Herb, but it sounded surreal as I heard the words escape my mouth. Surreal as it was, I was truly and utterly grateful, thankful and shocked to be alive. Those sayings ' like tomorrow isn't promised' and 'I was on the wake up list' actually hit different today. As the day got going, so did I. The shock and wonder left me and I started with my new morning routine....4 pills a glass of water, and a red check mark on my calendar.
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